


Mama Bev and her Bitch Ass Kids

by thatsaninfraction



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: I CANT FUCKIGN WRITE, Multi, anyway, beverly is a good mom, eddie is Tired, especially not texting fics, hooo boy, mike just wants to have fun, richies In Love, stan is autistic i dont make the rules, stans a soft boy who needs protection from his mans (richie)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-01-31 22:31:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12691506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsaninfraction/pseuds/thatsaninfraction
Summary: Mom: whaddup bitchesMom: what are my beautiful children doing on this fine friday afternoontrashmouth: eddie's momeds: FUCK OFF





	1. whaddup bitches

**Author's Note:**

> me?? writing a texting fic??? yeah.  
> too bad i ain't know how writing works.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bev is a good mom. stanley is a good second in command. richie is Banned.

**Mama Bev and her Bitch Ass Kids**  
17:05

 

 **Mom:** whaddup bitches

 

 **Mom:** what are my beautiful children doing on this fine friday afternoon

 

 **trashmouth:** eddie's mom

 

 **eds:** FUCK OFF

 

 **eds:** AND STOP CHANGING MY NAME

 

eds **has changed his nickname to** eddie

 

 **eddie:** h8 u tozier

 

 **trashmouth:** <3

 

 **eddie:** >:c

 

 **Mom:** ANYWAY

 

 **Mom:** i dont care what ur all doing because we are gonna do something WAY more fun.

 

 **Mom:** some kid i borrow cigarettes off sometimes is throwing a party and i got invited

 

 **Mom:** AND i managed to get a +6

 

 **Mom:** who's in?

 

 **trashmouth:** i'm always up for a good time

 

 **Stan:** Well if he's going, I have to.

 

 **trashmouth:** aw buddy

 

 **Stan:** Oh no, don't mistake that for care. I just don't want you getting yourself or others hurt.

 

 **Stan:** You're a fucking tragedy when you've been drinking.

 

 **Mom:** _@eddie @billiam @flowerchild @egg boy_ are u in

 

 **billiam:** if my parents don't want me to babysit georgie then yeah

 

 **eddie:** i think my mom wants us to play boardgames but i could probably sneak out if her sleeping meds kick in early enough

 

 **trashmouth:** your mom still plays boardgames in the year of our lord, 2017

 

 **trashmouth:** isn't there an app for that

 

 **eddie:** my mom is still wearing clothes she had in the 90s you can't expect her to get a fucking smartphone

 

 **eddie:** its exhausting she still uses a landline

 

 **eddie:** i had to practically fight her to get me my phone

 

 **trashmouth:** yikes

 

 **eddie:** YEAH

 

 **Stan:** :/

 

 **Stan:** I still like boardgames.

 

 

 **PM: worst son (richie) + mommy ;) (beverly)  
** 17:25

 

 **worst son:** fUCK.

 

 **worst son:** he's adorable???

 

 **worst son:** how does he just DO THAT

 

 **mommy ;):** you know who else is cute

 

 **mommy ;):** you

 

 **mommy ;):** you with your big gay crush

 

 **worst son:** mom i'm lov him

 

 **mommy ;):** i know son

 

 **mommy ;):** i know

 **Mama Bev and her Bitch Ass Kids  
** 19:14

 

 **Mom:** okay okay so the party starts in an hour.

 

 **Mom:** i'm almost ready so prepare your asses to get picked up!!!!

 

 **Mom:** stan i'm coming for u first

 

 **Stan:** Aye-aye captain.

 

Mom **has changed her nickname to** captain beverly

captain beverly **has changed** Stan's **nickname to** First-Mate Stanley

 

 

 **captain beverly:** properly capitalised, just for u, my love

 

 **First-Mate Stan:** You really know how to woo a guy.

 

 **captain beverly:** yeah it's almost unfortunate that i'm a lesbian

 

 **captain beverly:** almost

 

 **First-Mate Stan:** Almost.

 

 **captain beverly:** anyway i'm leaving now so see u in ten  <3

 

 **First-Mate Stan:** Okay, see you then <3

 

 **trashmouth:** wow why are you never affectionate like that with me. It's almost like you don't even love me stanley :c

 

 **First-Mate Stan:** Yeah that'd be the me not loving you.

 

 **trashmouth:** harsh </3

 

 **First-Mate Stan:** If you don't get too drunk tonight, I may reconsider.

 

 **trashmouth:** dam u got me there

 

 **trashmouth:** _@billiam_ are you on georgie duty tonight

 

 **billiam:** no !! mom had to cancel book club because amanda got sick or something and it's 'not the same' if they're not all there so she's good on the georgie front

 

 **trashmouth:** :D so... party?

 

 **billiam:** party

 

 **billiam:** also georgie says hi

 

 **billiam:** and that he loves you, stan

 

 **First-Mate Stan:** I love you too, Georgie.

 

 **billiam:** he said thanks and now he's all excited. it's so cute wtf

 

 **billiam:** not to be a kooky bitch but i love my brother so much???

 

 **trashmouth:** what a mood.

 

trashmouth **changed the chat name to** Georgie Appreciation Club

 

 **captain beverly:** the only name our group chat deserves tbh

 

 **First-Mate Stan:** You'd better not be driving right now.

 

 **captain beverly:** no i'm outside ur house get out here bitch

 

 **First-Mate Stan:** Be nice! Respect the materials!

 

 **First-Mate Stan:** AKA my heart!

 

 **trashmouth:** I got a material u could respect babe

 

 **eddie:** if you say your dick I swear to god

 

 **trashmouth:** MY DICK

 

eddie **has removed** trashmouth **from the conversation**

 

 **First-Mate Stan:** We are Free.

 


	2. hanging with the Kool Kidz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a party happens, richie is drunk and stan needs a hug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> day 2 and i still cant write

**Georgie Appreciation Club  
** 19:55

 

captain beverly **has added** richie **to the conversation**

richie **has set his nickname to** trashmouth

 

 **trashmouth:** i'm back bitches

 

 **First-Mate Stan:** Unfortunate.

20:01

 

 **flowerchild:** whoa i missed like a ton of stuff wtf

 

 **flowerchild:** my phone never notifies me anymore it must be broken or smth

 

 **flowerchild:** anyway how late am i for this party

 

 **captain beverly:** people are only just arriving now so you can probably make it !!

 

 **captain beverly:** it's on sherwood st. i can't remember the house number but it's like the only house with tons of people around it so

 

 **flowerchild:** i'm omw

 

 **flowerchild:** _@egg boy_ come to the party with me

 

 **egg boy:** do i ,,, have to

 

 **flowerchild:** we can snug afterwards

 

 **egg boy:** sold. can u come get me

 

 **flowerchild:** wouldn't have it any other way  <3

 

 **egg boy:** <3

 

 

21:33

 

 **trashmouth:** guys im drunb

 

 **trashmouth:** drukn

 

 **trashmouth:** close enouh

 

 **captain beverly:** already ?? what a LIGHTWEIGHT

 

 **trashmouth:** fuc o ffffg mom

 

 **captain beverly:** where are u. me n bill r in the kitchen. u should come hang with the Kool Kidz

 

 **trashmouth:** hell yeah

 

 **PM: better mom (beverly) + gay son (eddie)  
** 21:35

 

 **gay son:** i managed to sneak out.

  
g **ay son:** can you come outside so i can find you there's basically nobody outside now and i cant tell where it is

 

 **better mom:** yeah sure gimme a sec

 

 **better mom:** i'm out now can you see me

  
**gay son:** okay i see you. See you in a sec

  
**better mom:** see u soon son

 

 

 **PM: best buddy (stan) + Richie  
** 21:40

 **best buddy:** richie

 

 **best buddy:** richie where are you

 

 **Richie:** i'm in the kitchen buddy

 

 **Richie:** are you okay? traffic lights??

 

 **best buddy:** red

 

 **Richie:** okay stan i'm coming. where are you??

 

 **best buddy:** m hiding in the bathroom.

 

 **best buddy:** there are people knocking on the door

 

 **best buddy:** it's really loud

 

 **best buddy:** richie hurry please

Georgie Appreciation Club  
21:38

 

 **trashmouth:** okay me and stan are going home early.

 

 **eddie:** :c

 

 **eddie:** i just got here

 

 **trashmouth:** sorry eds but we're on code red here

 

 **eddie:** oh shit okay. no hard feelings then.

 

 **trashmouth:** yeah :c. next time we'll party til dawn, my dear eddie spaghetti

 

 **eddie:** nevermind never come near me again

 

 **trashmouth:** <3

 

 **eddie:** you suck

 

 **eddie:** give stan my best anyway

 

**PM: Bill + bird boy (stan)**

21:45

 **Bill:** do you and richie wanna go over to my house? my parents'll be asleep by now and it's closer than either of you guys' places. my mom said it'd be cool if i wanted to invite friends back around so you're not imposing either.

 

 **Bill:** only if you want though.

 

 **Bill:** richie has a key

 

 **Bill:** hope you're doing okay dude  <3

 

 **bird boy:** that'd be nice.

 

 **bird boy:** thanks.

 

 **bird boy:** i love you, bill.

 

 **Bill:** i love you too.

 

**Georgie Apprciation Club**

21:46

 

 **billiam:** okay kids we're all going to my house for a move night/comfort stanley night

 

 **captain beverly:** oh fuck yeah

 

 **captain beverly:** wait do you still only have lame movies

 

 **captain beverly:** because if you do then i'm gonna have to get some Choice Selections from home first

 

billiam: what do you consider 'lame'

 

 **billiam:** bc i just found the original mlp movie in my dvd collection

 

 **captain beverly:** okay ur safe for tonight

 

22:40

 

 **captain beverly:** okay this is getting lame i'm outie

 

 **captain beverly:** first-mate stanley prepare your ass because your mom's coming to make you feel better

 

 **captain beverly:** someone come walk to bill's with me

 

 **captain beverly:** preferably bill because i cant remember where u fuckin live

 

 

 **PM: worst son (richie) + mommy ;) (beverly)  
** 22:50

 

 **worst son:** mom stan fell asleep on my arm

 

 **worst son:** he's snoring a little

 

 **worst son:** it's like a little puppy

 

 **worst son:** mom i can't deal

 

 **mommy ;):** oh my god that's so cute

 

 **mommy ;):** we're almost back to bill's so you'll be free soon

 

 **worst son:** i'm both relieved and upsetti

 

 **worst son:** what if he wakes up and I don't get to hear his snoring anymore

 

 **worst son:** fuckFUCKFUCK he's so sweet. he got smiley and mumbled something about me and god what do i do???

 

 **mommy ;):** idk but i'm outside so if ur gonna make a move then hurry up bitch !!

 

 **worst son:** maybe next time

 

 


	3. chorus of fucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this before class sstarted so its probably not that great but ! i felt bad i hadn't written anything in a while so - here's it's this.

**Georgie Appreciation Club**  
14:20

 **trashmouth:** undeniably

 **trashmouth:** the most beautiful sound in the world is the chorus of ‘fuck’s stan and eddie make when you tell them there’s history homework they missed

 **trashmouth:** it’s a symphony of swears

 **trashmouth:** love it

 **First-Mate Stan:** I’d love it a lot more if you didn’t tell me there was homework when there isn’t any.

 **eddie:** yeah me and stan went to see miss robson to explain and she was so confused

 **eddie:** she actually set us next week’s early

 **eddie:** so thanks dickhead

 **egg boy:** at least now you don’t have to do it next week?

 **trashmouth:** exactly ben!! see i’m just being helpful like i always am

 **First-Mate Stan:** Witness the groundbreaking moment.

 **First-Mate Stan:** The first time Richard Andrew Tozier has ever been helpful.

 **First-Mate Stan:** Here, live, in this group chat.

 **trashmouth:** nvm i take it back i’m never helping anyone again

 

15:56

 **flowerchild:** okokok so since it’s friday

 **flowerchild:** w h a t are our plans

 **trashmouth** : im spending the night with eddie’s mom ;)

 **eddie:** die

 **trashmouth:** harsh

 **First-Mate Stan:** At this point? Not really.

 **flowerchild:** question ! answered ! please ! i need my good friend contact for the week

 **egg boy:** idk we could all go to my house and watch movies ??? at least u can guarantee there’s lots of snacks

 **flowerchild:** is that a backhanded comment abt ur weight bc honestly i will come over there anyway and aggressively love u forever

 **trashmouth:** wow need me a man like that

 **trashmouth:** stan, eds?

 **eddie:** aren’t u already dating my mom

 **First-Mate Stan:** Oh, he’s got you there.

 **Trashmouth:** nah eds we’re on a fwb type deal

 **First-Mate Stan:** fwb?

 **trashmouth** : yanno, friends with benefits

 **First-Mate Stan:** I do not know, no.

 **trashmouth** : oh my god okay forget the other things we’re on this now

 

14:23

 **First-Mate Stan:** I have been thoroughly and explicitly informed of what friends with benefits are by Richie

 **First-Mate Stan:** And frankly, you disgust me.

 **captain beverly:** oh mood?

 **trashmouth:** </3

 **captain** **beverly** : ANYWAY

 **captain beverly:** if nobody else has any other ideas then I’m all for movie night at ben’s !!!!!!

 **captain beverly:** see u all there!!

 

**PM: unproblematic fave (bill) + trashcan (richie)**

**trashcan:** mom that was the best convo i’ve ever had

 **trashcan** : he got so flustered???

 **trashcan** : hes so cute

 **trashcan** : i love stan uris wow

 **unproblematic** **fave** : whos mom

 **unproblematic fave:** are you messaging your actual mom or beverly

 **unproblematic fave:** either way i’m here for the hot goss

 **trashcan:** oh . oh fuck okay.

 **trashcan:** oh.

 **unproblematic fave:** its okay i wont tell anyone

 **unproblematic fave:** its cute tho omg

 **unproblematic fave:** tozuris

 **unproblematic fave:** stichie

 **unproblematic fave:** stozier

 **trashcan:** … i like stozier

 **unproblematic fave:** me too

trashcan **has set** unproblematic fave’s **nickname to** problematic fave

 **problematic fave:** >:0


End file.
